She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize