So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
