i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
