when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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