shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
