everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
