i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
