My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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