dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
