Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize