Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
