And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
