omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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