The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
