Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
