wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
