last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
