Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
