Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
