I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
