Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
