I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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