pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
