he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
