just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
