Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i came on her dog
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
whose parrot is this?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
