i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
