i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
