problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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