What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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