physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
