you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
