Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
