May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
