R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
