I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize