We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
