normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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