Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
