I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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