Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
