Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
