Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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