Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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