Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He better not be in your backpack
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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