My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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