No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
