you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
