First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
