I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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