he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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