i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
