Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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