i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
