There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize