Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The feeling are messing with the penis
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