Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
