I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
