I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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