Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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