can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Are we still banned from the library?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
