this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
