I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
