Tell her she can't have a vagina
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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