Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
