I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
