I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
